Much Ado About Toilet Paper

Re-purpose genius: I wrote a love note on that homemade caramel's paper wrapping.

Ya know, I meant to write more about paper and packaging during the Reduce Paper Waste month of Operation Consumption Liberation.  I really did.  But here we are, December 16, and I’m still scrambling to figure out what the heck I’m going to do on Christmas Day since I’m waiting until after the big day to travel home this year. Christmas orphans get lonely, yo!  Feel free to drop by my place or invite me to dinner. (FYI: I like peppermint stick ice cream. Also, doorbells and sleigh bells, schnitzel with the noodles.)

Anyway, since my last post, I:

• Bought a car after the pokiest 4-month-long shopping process ever.
• Hosted a friend on my floor for several days.
• Got shingles. (Not contagious unless you’ve never had the chicken pox and just happen to touch one of the open blisters in my armpit—because I’m totally walking around with my armpit exposed in the middle of December—THEN you might get the chicken pox.  Anyway, the blisters itch like crazy.  For two days I felt all achy and worn down in that flu-like way for the first two days.  And since I live alone, there was no one there to make me soup. Poor shingles-afflicted, single-occupant, Christmas orphan me….)

How is that for a whine fest?  Memo to self: this post was supposed to be about paper. 

The paper mound never quits, darn it.

I’ve been good about remembering my reusable tote bags for the store and I’ve been making coffee using my reusable coffee filter or French press.  I’ve finally switched to online statements for my main checking account today, a long overdue action given how rarely I actually look at the paper statements and how often I check my account online.  I’ve avoided using paper towels for wiping up spills and as napkins.  I’ve remembered my travel mugs.  Today, I had to send some faxes and I managed to use both sides of each page and not send multiple faxes to do it.  I’ve been using the backs of envelopes to scratch notes to myself.  And I’ve been saving catalogs for gift wrap and also trying to fold origami cranes out of the catalog pages. 

In case you were wondering, glossy catalog paper is not the easiest paper for folding.

I’ve also been trying to spare as many squares as I can per wipe when seated on the porcelain throne.  I thought I might try to ratio my toilet paper to 3-4 squares for #1 and 6 squares for #2, but let’s face it, some squats require a little more to keep things clean and hygienic.  Also, the successful coverage of my square ratio definitely impinges on the ply and how much (if any) post-consumer recycled paper is in the TP.  (I don’t think that means post-consumer recycled TOILET paper, by the way.)  Right now I have a package of Seventh Generation 2-ply 100% Recycled Bathroom Tissue in my bathroom.

Now this TP does a pretty good job in terms of absorption and coverage.  I bought it because I saw that 100% Recycled on the package.  But then I looked closer at the label:

Read that part right under "Papier Hygiénique Recyclé"

Wait.  So this toilet paper is made of at least 50% post-consumer recycled paper.  Then that means up to 50% of the paper used to make my 100% recycled toilet paper was not post-consumer, not recycled, i.e. VIRGIN paper.  Hmmm, I thought, calling your product “100% Recycled Bathroom Tissue” sort of seems like false advertising to me.  Then I saw the side label:

 

Okay, so maybe it isn’t false advertising given that the plastic packaging, the roll cores, and the toilet paper—100% of the things that a package of TP contains—are made of at least 50% recycled materials. And that effort is laudable.  But still, it still seems like a misnomer to me.  When I hear “100% Recycled Bathroom Tissue,” I hear “100% of the materials of 100% of the things that make up this this here package of toilet paper.”

Of course, I could go without toilet paper.  I’ve done it before. I did it on my freshman initiation backpacking trip on Mt. Adams, where our NOLS guide taught us the value of collecting big, fat leaves and how to use a PINE CONE to wipe the front (hint: you don’t want to go against the grain).  

I recommend one like this. [©2006 Walter Siegmund, Pinus lambertiana]

On the farm in Costa Rica, we were encouraged to go into the jungle and squat for all #1s because too much piss and paper screwed up the composting toilets’ delicate carbon-nitrogen-oxygen-water balance. Should we not have time to find a bush in the jungle and instead have to resort to taking a leak on the composting toilet, we had to throw the paper in the wastebasket with feminine products, which we later would either burn or add to the trash.

Praise the powers that be, #2 TP could go down the loo!

The trash would pile up until the next time someone happened to pay for a boat ride to the coastal farm—then we might be able to transport it out, if there was room.

And in Thailand, toilet paper is not provided in most water closets, but rather, a bucket of water and a scoop are provided for you to clean away lingering traces of body refuse and also to wash said refuse out of the toilet bowl. Sometimes, there is a hose and nozzle instead (highly sophisticated), though sometimes there was no water at all. (Suggestion: carry bottled water with you at all times.) Should you wish to wipe with something, you can either buy your own paper (CWI, my backpacking amiga, and I traveled with little packages of Kleenex which we rationed carefully) or drip-drop dry. There typically was a trash bin where you deposited all used paper.  Frankly, dealing with the paper and washing was no big deal when you consider that an actual seat to sit upon whilst doing your business is a novelty away from urban centers.  I was much more concerned about squatting without slipping and falling while also avoiding accidentally peeing on, or splattering on, my clothes, shoes, or the floor.

Good times: Thai-style Toilets image by François Rey [CC-BY-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Now I live in Seattle, a big, modern American city.  My neighbors will not tolerate me squatting in their yards and leaving behind poop-covered leaves.  I could use a bucket of water and a ladle at home, I suppose, but I did mention that I had a house guest earlier this month—that isn’t a very welcoming system.  And it takes a lot of upkeep (namely, mopping the floor).  For the time being, I am just going to keep being mindful about my square usage with the most recycled toilet paper I can find while staying hygienic.  But I wanted to illustrate how much of a luxury toilet paper is (not to mention flush toilets).  Most of the world does not consume toilet paper like Americans do.  Just something for you to mull over.

As my Christmas gift to you, I promise my next post will have nothing to do with toilets and body refuse.  Until then, happy holidays!