Reverse psychology

In the last week, I have had THREE dreams about eating sugar.  I binged on a whole bunch of chocolate chip cookies in the first dream, and then slapped my forehead and said, "OH SHOOT!  I forgot this is no sugar month!"  The next night, I dreamed I picked up a peppermint upon leaving a restaurant, popped it in my mouth, and then slapped my head and said, "OH SHOOT!  I forgot this is no sugar month!"  I don't remember what sweet confection I ate in my dream the next night, but I'm reasonably certain that Dream Jess slapped her forehead and said, "OH SHOOT! I forgot this is no sugar month!"

Luckily, I haven't eaten anywhere with peppermints at the door.  And I haven't been tempted with fresh baked cookies--if you want to see me slap my forehead, though, all you have to do is show up at my door with a plate of them.  I confess, I am craving the sweets right now.  I experienced a pang of longing, like an arrow in my heart, while walking past a package of Duncan Hines cookie mix at Bartells tonight.  And I never do those box mixes--those would never call my name seductively if I were currently on the white stuff.

So I decided to try to beat the cravings with a page from Psych 101.  Or maybe straight from an episode of "The Simpsons" or just about any other TV comedy:  Reverse Psychology.  The TV Guide blurb would read, "In this episode, our over-sugar-consuming heroine tries to convince herself that she doesn't want cake by looking at images of disastrous and offensive cakes."  

There's only one place to turn for that, my friends: Cakewrecks.com.  Here are some of my UN-appetizing finds.  Enjoy! (Mwahahahahaha!)

Exhibit A.

 

 

What is this made of, tuna?  BTW, those are naked babies on there.  DON"T eat babies!

Exhibit B.

I first read the name as "SPERM," not SEAN.  In case you weren't already horrified.

Exhibit C.

There's only one thing more terrifying than Alf, and that is a cake of Alf.

Lastly, Exhibit D.

It just isn't good manners to eat an extinct species OR the son of God.

Has the reverse psychology worked on you?  Or are you now calling up your nearest bakery to order a cake with Moses kissing a unicorn on top?  I wonder what kind of dreams these cakes will inspire tonight... 

Just a spoonful of sugar...

This must be from The Onion...

Yesterday I had refractive eye surgery a.k.a. Lasik.  It was a really hard half hour of surgery.  Afterward I could barely keep my eyes open and I was pretty dang whiny while my mother and I stopped to pick up prescriptions for Lorazepam (to knock me out) and Vicodin for pain.  Finally, we got home, I shoved down some string cheese and then the two pills, and then Mom taped plastic covers over my eyes so they were protected while I slept.  

What does all this have to do with sugar?  Well, not much, except that, like codeine, Vicodin makes me feel nauseous and puke-y and sick.  When I feel that way, only one thing sounds good--a fizzy sweet drink, better known as soda pop.

HFCS = the nectar of teenage love.

Even before going off sugar, I wasn't a big soda consumer.  Soda is for when I'm air-, sea-, or car- sick or just sick-sick, and occasionally as a mixer in a drink. 7-Up, Sprite, ginger ale--these are my "sick" drinks. So in my post-surgery, kind of blind, super fussy, and borderline vomit-ous state, I didn't know what to do.

In case you were wondering:

• A 8-ounce serving of 7-Up has 25 grams of sugar = 3.125g/oz.
• A 12-ounce serving of Sprite has 38 grams of sugar = 3.167g/oz.
• A 8-ounce serving of Canadian Dry ginger ale has 25 grams of sugar = 3g/oz.

The top two ingredients for all three of these sodas? Big surprise, they are carbonated water and high fructose corn syrup (HFCS). From Coca Cola's handy online ingredient glossary: "A sweetener derived from corn, high fructose corn syrup is a mixture of two simple sugars, glucose and fructose."  Now we know, and knowing IS half the battle.

Well, what about DIET soda then?  Looking at the labels of diet forms of these sodas, it is true, each contains 0 grams of sugar per ounce.  Instead, they all contain aspartame, also known as NutraSweet. As I said in my No Sugar Consumption month rules, fake and unrefined sugars tempt me to eat more of the big bad stuff, so they're on my Not-Going-To-Have-It list too. But it is also worth noting that there are a lot of unanswered questions about the safety of consuming aspartame.

Why, yes, that is Donald Rumsfeld lurking there.  Learn more about his link to aspartame here.

While there's no conclusive evidence that it leads to cancer, lupus, or increases the symptoms of multiple sclerosis as some have alleged, aspartame does present health risks for certain individuals. As nicely summarized by Dr. Andrew Weil on his website:

We do know that people with the genetic disease phenylketonuria (PKU), those with advanced liver disease, and pregnant women with high levels of the amino acid phenylalanine in their blood have a problem with aspartame because they do not effectively metabolize phenylalanine, one of aspartame's components. High levels of phenylalanine in body fluids can cause brain damage. For this reason, the FDA requires that all products containing aspartame must include a warning to phenylketonurics that the sweetener contains phenylalanine.

Hmm, sounds a little sketchy to me.  Besides, I've noticed that diet soda often makes my tummy feel bad, acidic, sort of hungry.  If I were to drink a diet soda when I felt car sick, it is entirely likely that,

A.) I'd still feel crummy, though maybe in a different way, and

B.) I'd want to eat something to quell the sensation, regardless of whether I was hungry or not. (Perhaps this is why some claim that diet soda can make you fat!)

I could go on about aspartame for a good, long while, because it's in all sort of things (I better check my toothpaste, for one) and there is a lot of speculation and disagreement about its benefits/dangers.  However, let's get back on track to my post-surgery Vicodin-provoked nausea and my yen for a carbonated sweet beverage to soothe my belly.

EXACTLY.  (image by Allan Sanders Illustration)

After Mom had taped my eye protectors over my eyes and I was set for the prescribed 4-hour nap, I asked my mother to go get me some sugar-free seltzer water or club soda and to doctor it with a wedge of lime and some of the Ginger People Organic Ginger Juice I just happened to receive in my Christmas stocking this year.  Ginger juice ingredients: Organic ginger, citric acid.  Perfect.

A few hours later, my mother delivered a glass of murky water to my bedside.  I sipped at it tentatively.  Ginger?  Check.  Lime? Check.  Bubbly?  Wait a second.

"Hey, Mom, what did you make this with?" I asked.

"The club soda I found in your fridge.  It did look kind of flat, " she told me.

I laughed.  "It should, because I refilled that bottle to reuse with tap water God knows how long ago."

Despite the lack of fizz, the ginger and lime water did a pretty good job on their own at relieving both my desire to puke and my desire for a sweet drink.  I did, however, purchase club soda and some natural sparkling water today for more bubbly sick drinks.

On a not-really-related note, I had a Vicodin-induced nightmare last night that I was eating chocolate chip cookies, one after another.  After about five cookies, my dream self went into a "OH SHOOT!  I FORGOT ABOUT NO SUGAR MONTH!" panic attack.  When I woke, I was so relieved to find out that my sugar indiscretion was a dream.  I wonder if I will have more dreams about eating sugar as this month continues.

The Lasik update?  My vision is a little blurry and will continue to fluctuate and improve for awhile still, but I tested at 20-30 today and, legally, I'm okay to drive, though both the doctor and I think it's better to hold off a few more days.  The clinic presented me with a coffee mug full of Seattle Chocolates to reward me for my bravery under the laser--ha!  I've stuffed them in a Ziploc bag and shoved them in the back of the freezer for now.  If anyone would like to take them completely off my hands....