My 2012 BAGs

I like big ass goals (BAGs).

For the last two years, I have challenged myself with quite a few BAGs.  These BAGs were clearly defined, with timelines and other parameters in place to give the BAGs structure and to hold me accountable.  In 2010, I committed to do, and did, at least 30 minutes of yoga for 360 straightdays.  In 2011, I challenged myself monthly to reduce my consumption of a different practice or item that I believe is unhealthy when over-consumed.  By and large, I succeeded at those challenges too. 

Challenges of years past: on my way to 360 days via half moon pose...

There was a time not so very long ago when achieving any of my BAGs felt unlikely.  I’d set a bunch of BAGs at once and feel pumped up about them for a few weeks, but then I would inevitably get overwhelmed by the first sign of difficulty or derailed by one of life’s endless distractions.  So I would cut myself a little slack.  As time passed, I’d push my BAGs further and further back on the shelf until I had all but forgotten them.  I had achieved nothing.

Deep down, I knew that dropping my BAGs every time the going got rough was no way to live.  If Eminem is right about how “you only get one shot,” then I was squandering my shot.  Instead of living my life to the fullest, I was loitering in a place of fear, self-doubt, and passivity.  I was particularly wary of change; I went to great lengths to avoid it at all costs.  But change is unstoppable; it has its way with all of us sooner or later.  In 2009, change caught up with me and knocked me on my ass.  When I managed to get back up, I decided it was long past time for me to start accomplishing some of those things I’d always wanted to do. 

So, for 2010, I made a list of seven goals:

1. Do yoga every day for 360 days.
2. Run a half marathon.
3. Take a dance class.
4. Learn how to make yogurt.
5. Adopt a pet.
6. Finish a full draft of the novel I began writing in 2004.
7. Sell a piece of short fiction

Challenges of years past: getting pumped up for a race

I had varying degrees of success with this list, but I succeeded in more goals than I failed.  I succeeded in achieving the first four goals on the list before the end of 2010, and I cut #5 from my list when I decided that I actually did not want the complications and responsibilities that come with being a pet owner in my life right now.  For #6, I set a new 2011 goal to complete the draft by my 35th birthday at the end of July, and this time, I succeeded.  I’ve put #7 on my list again for 2012.

So what made the difference?  How come I was able to persevere in goal achievement despite obstacles in 2010 where I was unable to persevere before?  I’m not 100-percent certain, but I think the answer may lie in what I went through in early 2009.  Until then, I had been paralyzed by fear of pain, loss, and failure, but my inaction ultimately did nothing to protect me from those things: they still caught me and knocked me down.  In order to recover, I had to find the courage and strength to face my fears, and in facing my fears, I ultimately thrived.  I achieved things.  I discovered brand new AND old, forgotten aspects of myself.

But like I said, change is unstoppable, and 2011 definitely threw me a few unexpected curves.  I lost my most reliable and best paying freelance writing client in February, and I spent the rest of the year struggling to acquire new clients and new gigs.  Since summer, I have been investigating and applying for full-time and part-time jobs.  I haven’t had too much success with any of this so far.*  Lately I’ve begun to wonder if my efforts have been somewhat stilted by fears of the new, the difficult, and the unknown.  Have I become paralyzed by my fears again, and are my fears limiting my potential and growth?  And if so, how can I break free of the shackles of fear—without hitting rock bottom à la 2009—so that I can begin to thrive once more?  

Cuteness should be enough to quash my fears.  Right?

I contemplated these thoughts while setting my New Year’s big ass goals.  Here are my three 2012 commitments:

1.     In a revision of my 2009’s 360 days of Adho Mukha Svanasana, I will do at least 30 minutes of yoga six days each week.  I felt and looked great during my yoga intensive 2010, and I found the regular practice focused and centered me.  I highly desire such confidence and clarity in this time of uncertainty.  This time, I’m allowing myself a day of rest each week because maintaining a regular yoga practice for the rest of my life requires some flexibility.  I will post about this commitment here.

2.     Like I said in my last post, I will continue my Operation Consumption Liberation, examining and challenging my consumption of a different less-than-healthy item or practice each month this year.  These challenges provide monthly opportunities to experience small success, which help keep me motivated and positive in my quest for bigger success.  As I said last time, I am open to your challenge suggestions, since I am still working on my 2012 challenge schedule. 

And finally, my brand new BAG for 2012:

3.     Operation Fear Liberation: I will do something new every week in order to gain more skill and confidence in facing my fears of the new, the difficult, and the unknown.

The old adage says that “practice makes perfect.”  I don’t know if you can “perfect” facing fear; however, I hope that by making a weekly practice of stepping outside of my comfort zone, I will open myself up to greater growth and success in every sphere of my personal and professional life.  The new things I’ll be doing are all things that I want to do (and, often, have wanted to do for some time), but that I’ve put off or avoided due to some degree of fear OR because I have been waiting for the “right” circumstances to arise (the right weather, the right finances, the right gig, the right place, the right level of fitness, the right friends, the right significant other).  

In training: never skated on fake ice before...

The right time is NOW.

I’ve created a loose "Do Something New" list in Excel to work off of during Operation Fear Liberation, but I am not requiring myself to check off every item on the list.  Given that I only have 39 items on the list at present, and that there are 52 weeks in the year, I sure hope I find some new and intimidating (but ultimately fruitful) things to do that aren’t on my list too.  Here are just a few of the ideas on the list:

• Go to a spin class.
• Get acupuncture.
• Make bagels.
• Sell something on Craigslist or eBay.
• Go to a meetup.
• Try Dance, Dance Revolution!

As always, I will be blogging about both my Operation Consumption Liberation (OCL) and my Operation Fear Liberation (OFL) challenges here.  I would resolve to blog more regularly--and I will try—but I think I’ve used up my quota of BAGs and would rather focus on succeeding at the BAGs Iisted above.  Still, I will keep track of and share my weekly OFL challenges and update you about my monthly OCL challenges, hopefully in a timely manner!  Again, I welcome your suggestions, or your company, for either project.  What is something you have always wanted to try but haven’t yet dared to do?  Why not change that in 2012? 

A cheesy end note: remember, we are our own biggest obstacles.